Firstly I apologise for my lack of recent blog posts. I started a new job this month and am in the process of relocating and as you can imagine, everything has been a bit hectic. That said, Hannah Buchan messaged me asking if I had written about the VMAs yet and it seemed the perfect opportunity to kick myself back into writing-gear and to wrongfully judge others outfits at the same time. So thanks Hannah. (Read her blog here, it's hilarious.)
The Kardashian Sisters.
Let's go from left to right here. Kendall. Usually the most beautiful (imo) of all the Kardashians, but here she looks a bit like a man in drag. Her hair is too slick, the top is unflattering, the trousers swamp her Kardashian curves. And standing next to her way shorter sisters doesn't help.
Kylie looks beautiful. I think we all need to take a deep breath and remember that she is only 17 years old. Definition jailbait.
Kim is usually absolutely striking but today she looks like Kuzko. If you don't know who Kuzko is (and you all should), click here. Kylie, you win.
Miley Cyrus covered up for once, which is great! Not a massive fan of the shape of the trousers, but the shoes are spot on. You can't see nipple, bum cheek, camel toe or her pubic hair follicles, so all-in-all, a vast improvement from her usual attire. Well done, Miley. You stay classy now.
Wiz Khalifa & Amber Rose
I'm not even sure how to approach Amber Rose's outfit. Maybe it's a political statement, maybe she just forgot to put the underdress on. Either way, I'm mildly horrified. Not one part of this outfit - from the brassier to the diamante's - can pass for even remotely classy.Wiz on the other hand looks dope as hell. Can't get enough of the graphic tee/shirt hybrid and the shoes pull the casual-vibe up a notch. Big fan.
Katy Perry & Riff Raff
I'm sure everyone has seen the Britney Spears & Justin Timberlake comparison of Katy Perry and Riff Raffs outfits by now. If you haven't, click here. I don't know if this was a purpose impersonation or a horrific error of judgement, but regardless of the Versace label, this wholes scenario is an absolute catastrophe for my eyes. It literally looks like a bucket of denim factory rejects spat them out and then they got washed through a vajazzle machine. No words.
Solange looks fierce. She is giving her sister a run for her money here for sure. The box cut of the suit is fabulous, paired with the skinnies stops her being drowned out. The heels feminize it, the hair makes it catwalk-worthy, and the natural makeup stops it all being a bit too much. Winner.
Adrianna is absolutely stunning. But she looks like a Khaleesi about to ride her dragons into warfare in Game Of Thrones. Except a Khaleesi would never wear a Moschino logo belt.
Rita Ora is absolutely breathtaking. A modern-day-Marilyn. The super-high slit is enough to make me a little bit hot under the collar but the dress itself as a whole is classy enough to not come across as trashy. The necklace pulls it all together. A+, Rita.
Chris Brown. The bomber looks cheap, the necklace looks tacky. Is that a shirt around his waist? Or a tea towel for wiping up the blood of his enemies after he beats them up outside the afterparty? I'm not sure. Either way I don't like it.
I so, so, SO almost love this outfit to pieces. The let down factor? The way the leotard sits makes it look like she has a saggy fanny. Pardon the french.
Being single is a new revelation for me, and I signed up to Tinder a while ago. I lasted about 48 hours before deleting it and deciding to never use any other technological dating tool ever again. It was bloody terrible from start to finish.
So it got me thinking about if it was socially acceptable, what are the first questions you should ask someone when determining whether or not you want to go for a drink with them? The 100%, dirty, honest truth. So here we go:
Do you have a criminal conviction? An important one. As it happens I actually ended up chatting to someone who had done some time, although this didn't come to light until I spied the mugshot on his Facebook. There is a difference between a drunk & disorderly (we've all been there, no?) and several GBH charges. Ween out the gentlemen from the lads in one swift question.
What is currently in your wallet? Money is not something to base a relationship on, but if all that is in there is a video rental card, some gum and a nude photo, you should maybe re-evaluate the situation. If he carries a condom around, at least you know he is safe, albeit a bit frisky and presumptuous. If he carries around hunner dollar bills, bonus points. Either way, the wallet should never be velcro.
What is the most romantic thing you have done? You can work out if it matches your expectations. Closing down an entire cinema and surprising a girlfriend of 2 weeks with a flash mob and 100 red roses would be a warning sign. Equally, saying "I picked her car up from the garage when she asked me to once" would also be a warning sign.
Do you have any children? This one speaks for itself.
What did you spend last Christmas doing? This sounds weird, but hear me out. If he spent it with his family like 90% of the population, the likelihood of him being weird or a crackhead lowers significantly. If he spent it with his topless roommate smoking a bong and watching Cartoon Network, you're on to a bad time.
If you died right now, what is the one thing you would never want people to find in your room? The ultimate in weirdo-catching questions. If it's a collection of Asian Fanny Fun magazines under the bed, he's probably not actually that weird. If it's a secret journal with photo collages and poems about his ex girlfriend, things are getting weird. If it's a box-set of murder documentaries covered in semen, he's probably not a keeper.
So there it is. Six crucial questions to ween the weird from the wonderful. Make sure you ask them all straight away as soon as you meet someone and if they answer them all correctly reward them with your hand in marriage.
I hope people realise this is a joke or I've just lost myself 300 followers.
I woke up to the post the other day and had a lovely surprise when I got a big parcel from Simmi Shoes. I hadn't heard of them before but they said I could choose a pair of shoes to try out, so I ordered some gorgeous heels (post to come soon, eek!) but got some flip-flops thrown in to the mix as well which was a nice cheeky surprise.
I'm not generally a flip flop person, I find them uncomfortable generally but these were cute and I got dressed and realised they matched my outfit perfectly so I sacrificed my anti-flip-flop-feelings to ensure my shoes matched my top. Sacrifices have to be made sometimes. They are in the same style as classic Ted Baker accessories, and my friend Abi dubbed them 'Ted Fakers', which I hearted so much. I think they are a super cute, simple shoe to slip on when popping out. Also my Mam loves them and keeps trying to nick them.
I woe them with an old H&M top which matched the little bow nicely, and then my beloved American Apparel shorts, a Miss Selfridge waist belt and an Olivia Burton watch. My lipstick is MAC Mehr, and I did a review and swatch post on that here. I would definitely recommend Simmi as a very reasonably priced shoe option that's up to date with the trends at the minute and a decent quality - as with most things you get what you pay for!
Keep checking back as I will be doing a post on the goooorgeous heels they sent me. I think it might just be true love.
For a while now I've been looking for a perfect matte nude that isn't too pink to replicate the infamous Kylie Jenner look. (Let's all take a minute to let the fact that she is only 16 years old and better looking than most of us put together sink in.)
I went into MAC with the intention of finding Kinda Sexy, but they were out of stock, so after looking like a diseased creature from swatching my entire left hand I decided on Mehr, which I hadn't heard of before but is in the Matte range. Below is it swatched without any liner which gives it a really nice natural 'no makeup' feel.
I think that the secret behind Kylie's look and the reason she's come under fire for having lip injections is because she structures her lips to make them look fuller by using a darker liner. I'm lucky in that my lips are relatively full anyway so I don't need to overdraw, but using a liner definitely makes a big difference.
Below is Mehr lined with Max Factor liner in #10 Ruby. I do feel this is quite a close match to Kylies lips colour-wise, and am quite glad Kinda Sexy was out of stock because otherwise I wouldn't have found Mehr. Silver linings!
So recently it's been very humid, and basically a nightmare for makeup. It ends up down my face and all over my clothes pretty much. Rank.com. So I wanted to do a look that was really plain and simple to suit the weather because nobody wants a full face caked on in the heat.
I applied some Benefit Porefessional on my cheeks to cover pores, and then went over my whole face with Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse in soft beige. I usually use a liquid foundation but when it's this humid I need something more substantial and mattifying to keep the shine away because I have an oily T-zone. I contoured using Mac Mineralize Skinfinish in medium/dark because its nice and matte again, and then highlighted the tops of my cheeks and under my brow bone with the Sleek FaceForm Contour Pallette, which I used a blush from as well on the apples of my cheeks. All of this together gave a very clean finish and no shine. I set it all with the Rimmel Stay Matte powder in translucent.
I really lightly filled in my brows with Makeup StoreMicropowder in the shade Deadly. I set it off with the Maybelline Brow Gel in dark brown.
For my eyes I just used the Naked Palette 2 powder Foxy just to brighten the eye up a bit, and then lots of layers of the L'oreal Mega Volume Miss Manga mascara to open my eyes right up. I didn't wear eyeliner to keep it all looking fresh and light.
For my lips I coloured them in using a Max Factor Lipliner in the shade 10 Ruby and then went over the inside with Topshop Lip Crayon in the shade Coy.
Every now and again something really, really good unexpectedly happens. And you think perhaps it's karma for helping that old lady with her bags or something because there is no way that things like this actually happen. Things like finding £50 in your jeans pockets or getting emailed with a random offer for a dream job or getting a call from Tom Hardy saying you are his one true love and he wants to hitch you. That type of level. Well, it happened to me. (Not the actual Tom Hardy thing but on a similar level of joy.)
It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago and I went into London to meet some of my girls for a nice, relaxed day of wine and carbs in the sun. Obviously shopping involved. The one and only thing I wanted was to come away with a brown, everyday handbag. I had been looking for one for weeks but unfortunately I am incredibly picky with bags and the slightest thing can turn me off or make me see it as tacky. I don't actually own any brown bags, I always go for black. But I think brown is better for Summer/Autumn/Spring so the time came. I looked pretty much in every shop and basically gave up.
We had already been in Zara but I was walking past another one and basically this bag was right on the floor in the middle where someone had changed their mind and dumped it by the door. So I told my friend to hold fire and went and picked it up and it was £100 (authentic leather) in the sale for £40. It was the bag. So I went to pay and (here is the really good bit.) It scanned through as £25. I literally tried not to snog the girl behind the till. I had been more than willing to pay the £40. Hell, I would have paid the hunner.
It's the perfect size, it's not too big but fits everything I could need including cameras and dog toys in it with ease. The leather is supple and the best shade of tan. There's no random stuck on embellishments and the gold detailing and buckles don't look tacky or like they will bronze. It is literally the perfect bag. And I literally found it in the middle of the floor for 75% off!
I have a big haul post today, apologies for the image-heavy nature of it.
So I went into London and basically got sucked up into all the sales, so I have a few purchases to share which I'll also do in a kind of Outfit Post type scenario. I will also be doing a video so I'll upload that in a few days time hopefully!
So firstly I have an admission of guilt. I spent £56 on a pair of shorts. I KNOW I KNOW. But hear me out! I have about 5 pairs of denim shorts in my wardrobe that I can't wear because they are either too big, or my butt cheeks hang out everywhere. I have really wide hips in comparison to my waist and legs so finding jeans or anything high-waisted that fits is like trying to find MAC in a Debenhams. So when I tried on some shorts in American Apparel and they fit like a glove.. well it's an investment isn't it? You can wear denim sorts year-round with tights and they will last forever. So that's that.
I also picked up this loose vest top from Topshop for a tenner, because I wear white a lot and it's just a basic staple piece. The belt in the picture is from Miss Selfridge, but I got that a while back. Can you guys see why I bought the shorts now!? Perfect fit!!
When I was in Topshop getting the vest I saw this bodycon dress in the sale by an independent brand called WYLDR. I tried it on and it was an XS and somehow fit. When something XS fits you buy it, regardless of what it is. Just because you squeezed in. But I do actually really like the dress I think it's flattering and perfect for summer. It came in at only £22 as well. Bargainous.
I don't usually go into Jack Wills, I find it overpriced and a bit preppy for my usual style but I went in for the sale and tried this sweatshirt on and it felt gloriously soft. I left the store and about 4 hours later thought 'Oh sod it, I want that sweatshirt.' And here we are.
It's really good quality and with Autumn rapidly approaching it will be good to throw on with some skinnies or just to wear with my PJs for nights in with a cuppa. I love the material as well I think it's really pretty and a nice way to get a patter into an outfit without it being overbearing.
I had been after a casual day-dress for a while after a catastrophe involving me shrinking all of my H&M ones in the dryer. This Brandy Melville one is super super thin material, making it ideal for summer. I'm always a fan of parisian stripes as well, so this was an easy choice at £25. I love Brandy Melville in general, they always have such lovely boho-style things to choose from.
Lastly I had been after a white bikini for a while because the weather has been gorgeous, I have a pool to sunbathe by and let's be honest - white makes a tan look perfect. They were all ridiculously expensive everywhere until I found this one in New Look. I love the lace detailing it's just perfect for summer and throwing on with some shorts and a kimono and boots. Don't worry, I won't get too explicit on the blog but you can see what the top looks like. (It's really supportive too, you don't feel like you're falling out of it ever.)
So that's what I got last week, a video to come soon too. Have you found anything decent in the sales this year?