Hello friends,

I've been away for a few weeks doing too much sun-soaking and wine-drinking and not enough book-writing. For that reason, this will be largely a photo diary post as every second spent writing anything other than the sequel to my debut book (releasing this summer, obvs,) is time wasted. 

A quick rundown of ;

Kayaking in the caves
Exploring the caves
Discovering amazing wine is only 1 euro 50 for an entire bottle
Discovering being gluten free in Spain is very easy at tapas bars
Being with my best friend for two weeks straight
Getting a good tan on my legs
Reading Dolly Alderton's book

Falling down a crack in the rocks whilst snorkling and cutting/bruising up my ankle
Vomitting red wine after a late-night pub quiz
Losing pub quiz because we were the only ones there under 50
Losing Bingo in the interval break of said quiz because I didn't know how to play and couldn't find the numbers quick enough
Getting sunburnt right under my boobs
Finishing The Gender Games series and having to come to terms with the fact it was over

Aloha my wonderful people.

I recently removed my blog address from my Instagram and was touched to see my blog views haven't dropped, so I guess you're all regular readers checking back in. Thank you!!

I just wanted to do a little update on all my projects and where to find me online, so you can keep up with me easier and potentially find more platforms you're interested in!
I have my fingers in a lot of pies (so to speak. I have no actual pies, unfortunately), and decided to relook at everything properly and have a digital spring clean.

1. My Book.
If you don't know, I am writing a fictional novel. The idea has festered inside me for a few years and I spent a year or so planning everything out excessively, and now that it's come down to writing it, my planning has paid off and it's getting done very quickly.

This is something I'm the most excited about, but as you can imagine it's dominating pretty much every free moment I have, and I'm constantly writing or planning ahead. I'm currently just over half-way through my first draft, and will likely look to self publish and market it when I'm finished via Amazon, so this is currently my most important & exciting project and what is taking up the majority of my time. Website & more info TBC!

2. My Blog.
This blog is taking a back-seat to the book currently, but I'll still be dropping in and leaving little personal updates whenever anything of note happens. I'd hope to be posting here around once a week, if not just to keep you guys in the loop. It's being used as a sort of word-vomit diary space, and is no longer being advertised on my other platforms as it's more personal now. Hoping to get more jokey posts going out too when I get more time - I know they're the firm favourites!

3. Jailed Spirits.
Jailed Spirits is now redundant. I really did love it and the concept behind it, but realistically it's too big a project for the time I'm willing to devote to it. It served it's purpose and gave me something to focus and motivate myself for when I lost my job, but between everything else I'm doing now alongside working 9-6 everyday, I just don't have time to invest in it properly. It will stay live though, as will it's Instagram for anyone who wants to check back for anything!

4. Social Media.
Steven deleted all his social media this week, and it really got me thinking. Social media really isn't something I'm enjoying anymore. I used to have to use it for work every day, but now I don't it's really just a mindless way to procrastinate and compare my life to other people's.

Facebook  - I will be keeping my facebook for event information and to let people know when my book is completed, but otherwise won't be posting or checking it and will be deleting it from my phone.

Instagram - I won't be posting as much on Instagram. If I'm honest, it was my favourite platform but since being bought over I really don't like the updates, especially the increasing amount of sponsored posts I'm getting. Working in influencer marketing sort of ruined the blogger industry for me as well, seeing the bitchy people behind it and the amount of staging and money behind everything has made the pictures a lot less magical for me, and it doesn't really inspire me anymore.

Twitter - I'll carry on using this sporadically. Follow me there if you want to see my self-depricating rambling in 140 characters or less.

Tumblr - I'll be testing out a new tumblr account where I'll post my outfit pictures daily, and it can be found here with old archived posts to kick it off. If you have a Tumblr account, give me a follow, and if not, bookmark it if you're still interested in the fashion side which has gotten lost on my blog. I chose Tumblr because I can literally snap a photo in the morning, upload it and not worry about writing a post about it or making it instagram-quality, so it's more realistic and practical for me. I also have my inspiration tumblr which is here, but post on very rarely. Good for a scroll with a cuppa though!

And I guess these are all the best places to follow me and the expectations for when to expect posts! Let me know your thoughts, as you're the ones that matter most.

So I haven't posted in a while, but I've been busy. And not lying-in-bed-hating-my-life-and-not-washing-my-hair busy. Actual got-my-shit-together busy. 

Steven and I went to Bordeaux. We cycled a lot, drank a LOT of wine, and ate a lot of cheese. It was so nice to get away the two of us again and have a romantic break away. (It was my birthday present for him.) While we were away, I got a pretty great phone call that I really hadn't expected.

I got a job. Not just any job, the perfect job at the perfect company. So a while back I had said I found a great job, but once I started it just wasn't for me and I knew straight away, so called it a day during my probation period. I wasn't really invested in the brand, the commute was nearly 2 hours each way, working from home was making my depression and lack of motivation worse, and it just didn't feel very me.

So I went back to freelancing at Matches while I continued the search. Anyway, long story short, I'm back to doing what I love (writing, obvs) for a fashion brand that I have been obsessed with since I was a teenager. I just finished my second week and the people are so friendly and welcoming and mature. I feel really lucky.

That said, I'm struggling to socialize properly and relax at work. The mess from my last role has had a lasting impact and I'm scared to connect or trust people, but it will slowly get better. I actually wrote a really long blog post explaining everything from my last job properly and naming and shaming, and it's sat in my drafts because even though I want my side of the story to be heard I'm not sure publishing it will really achieve anything good.

I'm still going to therapy once a week, and am learning a lot about myself. Here's what I've learnt so far:
1. I care so much about what everyone else thinks of me, even strangers, and this is what is driving my anxiety.
2. I don't feel any emotions, at all, ever. Because of some stuff from my childhood I have basically taught myself to block everything out as a defense mechanism, and this has been happening for so many years that I actually don't know how to recognize or feel emotions anymore.
3. The way that I drop friendships and associate everyone in one big lump with certain events in my life is also a defensive thing to stop myself from being hurt again. 

These are the three most important things, and I'm going back every week and logging things in a journal in an attempt to feel some emotions. It's baby steps but I'm feeling good about it.

As well as starting my new job I joined the gym again and have been going every day on my lunch break, which is making me feel a lot better and giving me more energy.

I've also really started to invest time into my novel, and am trying to write 1,000 words per day to get the first draft finished. It's something I'm really excited about, and my BFF Orianne is really motivating me with it and keeping me going. 

Lastly, there are still office dogs, and we all know that dogs make me smile more than anything. All in all, I'm doing really well and it finally feels like things are back on track. It only took 5 months...

At the weekend I took my BFF to Brighton. She is literally the only good thing to have come from my previous job. She's French (AKA Classy AF, can't you tell by her -faux- fur jacket?) and had never been before, so we did all the cliche things minus the pier because it's hell on earth. We went to the beach, ate fish and chips, did some vintage shopping and peeped all the graffiti.

We also stayed at my parents house and I introduced her like a new boyfriend, delighting in her cultural exotic and witty banter. We drank a lot of wine and it was great. 

Apart from that nothing has happened recently because I'm working 8-6.30 and by the time I get home and cook dinner I'm basically ready for bed. I will update you accordingly the next time something unfortunate happens in my life.

As a side note I noticed that smushed pavement worms resemble slithers of human flesh. Make of this what you will.

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