It's Okay To Not Want Kids! A List of Reasons & a Vagina Story.
Friday, 21 August 2015
I am all for having a little bundle of joy that you can love and take care of and raise and make a family with. But for me, that bundle of joy is going to be a dog at most. I'm all for other people having kids, just not me. And in the same way that I wouldn't say to someone who has a kid 'you'll regret that down the line when you change your mind', I don't want people assuming that I will change my mind too.
It all started when I was seven years old. I went to a posh boarding school, and was sat in the library one day messing about. A teacher walked in so I grabbed the first book closest to hand, opened the page and pretended to be working. I looked down at the page and to my absolute horror, I was faced with an image of a woman giving birth on a street. The photograph had been taken head-on. I saw more of her vagina than I ever have of my own. I was scarred for life, and reason 1 for not wanting a child began.
Reason 1 - THE FEAR. I have a phobia, since being faced with that baby's head coming out of the vagina, of pregnancy. I'm terrified of all of it. The thought of having to push something that big out of a hole that small. The thought of having something living inside me and feeding off of me for 9 months. The way my body will inevitably change. The way my boobs would fill with milk. Yes, all very natural and arguably we were 'built to do it'. But for me, the mere idea of all these things creeps me out and terrifies me. I'll pass, thanks. And I could probably get hypnotherapy to un-see that bloodied birth photograph, but my other reasons mean I'm just not fussed.
Reason 2 - WHERE'S MY MATERNAL INSTINCT? This is probably the first reason people think of to explain why someone doesn't want a baby. Which is probably why they tell you 'you'll change when you're older.' I have never held a baby. When offered one, I have turned down politely. I don't look at a baby and think they look cute, or want my own. I don't get urges to start a family, and I don't want to be near or around any children, ever. It makes me uncomfortable and to be honest, I think they are kind of gross and snotty most of the time. Plus, the screaming. Everything about babies and little children make me uncomfortable. Yes, when it's yours it is probably very different. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't desire one at all.
Reason 3 - I AM SELFISH. This is the main reason that I know I won't change my mind. I am extremely career-driven. I like to splurge my hard earned money on dresses that go out of fashion 3 months later, just because it makes me feel good. I like to book impromptu holidays because I need a break from my job. If I was to have a child, I would be giving all of this up, and more. I'd give up my time, my career, my bank balance. Everything would become about the child - where to live, what to spend money on, when you can go on holiday. And if I had a strong maternal instinct and just wanted a family more than everything else, then I could probably have a baby. But I don't, and can't think of anything worse than living my life for someone else. Yes, it may be selfish. But my priorities are to make the most out of my life and to get to where I want to be, and it's never going to happen with a baby kicking about.
If you're seriously troubled about my decisions, I can always adopt, don't freak out. But one thing's for sure - I won't be done with my life until I'm at least 40, by which point I'll be drying up faster than a desert for eggs. And it's none of your concern or business. Yes, millions of people want kids and can't have them and it's so sad. But it's not down to me and my vagina to make amends for that.
Full-time writer and blogger. I write about fashion and occasionally scathing accounts retelling instances where people have wronged me. I am a strong believer, proud advocator and solemn enforcer of the Wine Wednesday movement.