Sunday, 20 September 2015

"Girls Can't Be Friends With Boys" : A Personal Post

I have always had guyfriends. I got on with them better in general - I have weird dirty banter and sarcasm girls don't always warm to and I feel less paranoid that they're all sitting around my Facebook on a Friday night laughing at my bad outfit choices and cellulite.
That said, it is 5.45am and I just had a dream about an ex-guyfriend. And it actually gave me a massive realisation, one that has led me to be unable to sleep until I wrote about it and let it all out. Here's my revolution: Maybe girls can't really be friends with boys.
And of course, I'm only speaking from personal experience, but in my journey there have been three main contributing factors to the swift demise of a guy/girl friendship.
In general, guys just aren't as good at contact. They ring you when they want something, or when they need info quickly. They don't call for a catch-up or to give you the latest gossip or to see what your thoughts are on Lucy's hair while Made in Chelsea is on. They don't generally remember anyone's birthday that they aren't related to and they won't text you just to see how your day is going. All of this comes part-and-parcel with having guy best friends, but once you have all grown up and are living in separate cities with different friendship groups, how often are you actually going to speak and meet up, realistically? Unless you're the type of friend that is happy to call and text someone in the knowledge that they never do the same for you, probably not very long. #Clingy
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How come whenever they get a girlfriend, they suddenly stop talking to you? As a 'relationship person' I can safely say that during all of my relationships I continued to chat to my guyfriends, but it seems that when the tables have turned they drop you quicker than a burning bag of shit. In one instance, a boy I had been close with for 5+ years deleted me on Facebook. I would perhaps go so far as to say he was maybe one of my closest friends at the time. When I rang him to ask what his beef was, he told me he deleted me because I text him asking him to hang out. 'It's inappropriate, I have a girlfriend now' he told me, almost exasperated. I asked him if he wanted to hang out, not if he wanted a sodding blowjob. I hung up, and we haven't spoken since. And although that's an extreme example, lots of my guyfriends have dropped off the radar entirely when they get a girlfriend. I know this happens with galpals too (ones with poor time management skills - we all have that friend who goes MIA for 8 months when she gets a new beau), but it seems to happen almost every time with guys. Maybe they stop needing your female company once they get someone more significant? Either way, it sucks.
If you are ever in any sort of long-term relationship, you will at some point introduce your boyfriend to your best friends. (Guyfriends included.) And this weird thing has happened to me a few times now. It always seems to be bros before hoes when you break up, even though you've been friends with your guypals much longer. You break up with your ex, you're heartbroken, and all of a sudden your guyfriends are hanging out with him all the time. Did they even hang out when you guys were a couple? Probably not. But it seems they draw to each others boy-boners like magnets, and suddenly you become the shrapnel from the break-up-bomb and they become BFFs. And if you can deal with your best friends suddenly hanging out with your ex as if they've been friends since their teens, then great. But if it's inappropriate chat from your galpals, it should be inappropriate for your guyfriends too. WHERE ARE YOUR LOYALTIES, BOYS? Up my ex's arse, that's where.
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To conclude, I have a couple of close guyfriends who, despite the above three points, are still absolute top players in my life. This list definitely does not encompass all men. 
However, your Galpals are to be treasured - there are between far and few good ones and they'll be the ones who are around for you from when you're eleven until you're twenty-three (and counting). In my experience, the good ones don't drop off the radar. (And they definitely don't ditch you all the time for their new boyfriend or start hanging out with your ex.) 
Sisters before misters is something I never thought I, a self-confessed 'guys-gal' would say. But here we are (now 6.02am) - SISTERS BEFORE MISTERS.
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