When you're at school there was always that 'cool' group. The girls who grew their boobs two years before everyone else and learnt to pluck their eyebrows first. (Jokes on them now, bushy eyebrows are in and their over-plucked 2001 pencil-brows look horrific. Who has the last laugh now, Holly who made fun of me for not knowing what masterbating was when I was 13?!) Then there were the boys, the guys who smoked and got those mini Nike backpacks that said 'Just Do it' across the back. There is always a 'cool' group. They aren't even necessarily particularly cool, they are just deemed to be by everyone else. Well, although they are different as you get older, there are still 'cool' guys kicking about. And I'm about to warn you against dating one of them.
First Impressions. You might think to yourself 'yeah, he's alright'. But buzz around you starts to manipulate your train of thought. That group of girls by the bar whispering about how 'drop dead gorgeous' he is makes you rethink your initial lack of panty-dropping lust. The guys all surrounding him wanting to do shots and laughing as he cracks jokes makes you think maybe he'll be super fun to hang out with. Suddenly, everyone around you makes you feel like he would be a prized catch, like he is perhaps even a few leagues ahead of your uncool self, and you find yourself wanting to go out with him ten times more than you did five seconds ago.
Sense of humour. You'e laughing hysterically at the video of where King Curtis is now, in 2015. (Bacon is still good for him.) Your now-boyfriend doesn't get the joke, or even know who King Curtis is. While you spent your youth laughing at internet heroes he was probably out underage drinking at a friends. Worse still, when you start to act silly and jumping around making baby dinosaur sounds (you find it hilarious), he doesn't even crack a smile. In fact, he looks embarrassed and just asks you what you're doing and has a face that you can read instantly. Please, God, make her stop doing that stupid dinosaur thing. He will never understand how hilarious you truly are, because his devilishly good looks meant he never had to rely on witty banter to get through school without being bullied like the rest of us normal kids.
Looking good. He goes to the gym, his outfits are always on point, and he stands out from the crowd because not only does he look good all the time, he has the charisma to match. You'd better be keen to go to the gym and revamp your wardrobe pretty quickly, because otherwise you'll be plagued with paranoia that everyone you walk past will be thinking "why is he going out with her?"
Breaking up. After internal turmoil with yourself, (you will never find anyon
e better, he's a God in human form), you finally decide you just aren't happy and end it. Responses? "Why would you break up with him, he's SO COOL." And of course he will probably have another girl on his arm (and in his bed) in the blink of an eye.
The thing is, there isn't a 'cool guy.' They don't all exhibit these traits above. It's just how you've perceived him to be. But if this is how you feel about someone, whether they play Warhammer or Rugby all day long, you'll always struggle to make it work because you will always feel like you're on a completely different page from him.
I think my boyfriend is perhaps the coolest person I have ever met. He is hilarious, good looking, kind and intelligent. And the best bit is, he seems to think the exact same about me, and is open about it. He laughs at all my crap jokes, he tells me when he thinks I look nice, and he is always the first to comfort be about anything. This means that straight away, there's no hierarchy, no leagues, and no feelings that you're 'batting.' You just feel lucky to have found each other and excited to hang out all the time. I don't think he's cool in the sense that he's unbelievably trendy or five times better than me. I think he's cool in that he's possibly the greatest person in the world, and I think I've finally realised that this is the secret to the perfect relationship. Don't go for the guy everyone else thinks is cool, go for the one you instantly think is AWESOME. After all, it's you going out with him, not everyone else.
First impressions: You notice him straight away, he's bloody good looking.
Sense of humour: You spend 80% of your time laughing at the same stuff, 10% laughing at the fact he's laughing at something so un-funny and the other 10% laughing at each other.
Looking Good: He looks great and you feel proud and lucky, not insecure and ill-matched.
Breaking up: Isn't something you even worry about.
Remember: You're a bad bitch and you don't need someone who makes you feel anything other than fabulous.
Full-time writer and blogger. I write about fashion and occasionally scathing accounts retelling instances where people have wronged me. I am a strong believer, proud advocator and solemn enforcer of the Wine Wednesday movement.