Wednesday, 27 December 2017

Christmas 2017

Every year we alternate going to Steven's and my parents, so this year was mine down in Sussex. It was a little crazy because all my Mam's Brazilian family came, so there were ten of us in all. Steven couldn't keep up with the language barrier but he just got so drunk he laughed along with everything so it was fine. 

I love my parents house at Christmas - my Mam gets suuuuper into it and there's literally about 50000 Santa's everywhere you look so that's nice. 

There were 100x as many gifts this year because there were so many of us, I have literally never seen so many presents in one place.

Things learnt:

It is possible to eat so much you are physically sick.

My mother doesn't know what an Old Fashioned is and if given one will down it like a shot of Tequila.

With enough wine anyone can speak Portuguese.

Dogs make everything 100000x better.

My favourite part of the day was hands down when I got tired of socialising and went to bed only to be met by Draco, who cuddled up with me and let me spoon him. He is the ultimate BFF. (And is dry heaving as we speak for no apparent reason.)

Above is attempt 100702759817 to get Steven to smile for a photo.
A great success we can all agree.

And this is how Draco Malfoy fell asleep before he joined me in my bed. If this isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life then I don't know.

How was your Christmas? Who got drunk and started a fight? Let me know.


Thursday, 21 December 2017

17 Things I Learnt in 2017

Last year I made a post on the 16 things I learnt in 2016, so it was only appropriate to tackle the end of this year with a new list.

1. Rabbits growl. It's a territorial thing and we made up afterwards but for a while stuff with Pixie and I was a little rocky.

2. Blondes do not necessarily have more fun.

3. Hoes ain't loyal.

4. 'Vetements is like kale - everyone pretends to like it because it's cool but nobody really does.' - Thanks to my friend O for this - truer words were never spoken.

5.  Having read Diary of a Sociopath I have learnt that sociopaths are unable to feel depressed or anxious due to a lack of fear and empathy. The downside is the inability to control impulses and a manipulative mind. I have both of those anyway without the pros so kind of wish I was a sociopath.

6. My blog post from last year on the inability to be friends with boys still very much stands. They are unsustainable relationships and you will get better energy from girl power. (Shoutout to those female homies who always leave me support on the interwebs, Saskia, Kaysha, am looking at you.)

7. It's okay to have a therapist. Brits are a bit closed about discussing this sort of thing but in this day and age everyone is depressed and we should just talk about our feelings and get on with it. Plus you can put on oversize sunglasses, flick your hair and say 'I need to call my therapist' dramatically and feel like a Hollywood actress.

8. People actually read my blog! I've never had so many wonderful messages as I have the last few months and it's so lovely to know what I say resonates with others. I love you all!

9. There is a proposed disorder that is not currently professionally recognized in the UK called PTED. (Post traumatic embitterment disorder.) Symptoms include feeling angry, distressed, stressed and helpless all at once to the point functioning becomes difficult as a result of some type of trauma. They become embittered and can't let certain events go. They become pessimistic, aggressive and feel victimized. 90% sure I have this  and who are to blame, but at least I can acknowledge I'm bitter. Nothing wrong with mentally plotting my enemies demise over a bottle of vino, right?

10. My best friend Amy is the bravest and most inspirational person I have ever met and even though she's across the world being a badass fucking lawyer doing a LDR with her boyfriend she still finds the time to routinely check up on me and offer words of wisdom.

11.  Sometimes dresses fit better if you don't wear a bra, so always try both.

12. Snapchat filters are great and why have I been missing out on this app for the last year?!

13. Life isn't fair but when you have a handsome boyfriend to come home to and complain about it with it could be worse.

14. Eric the Elephants (Sainsbury's rip off Percy Pigs) are a wonderful alternative and a highly delicious treat.

15. That cult book, The Secret, that everyone raves about changing their lives and opening their eyes to mindfulness is the biggest load of crap I have ever bought in my life. It is like reading a brainwashing piece of nonsense. One part literally said that you can eat whatever you want and if you don't believe it will make you fat, you won't gain weight. Science disagrees. Don't buy this book.

16. Sleep apps are amazing! You can get ones that tell relaxing stories and calm you down until you fall asleep using weird vocal techniques and music. If you lie in bed thinking about the mistakes you made between 1998 and 2003 on repeat like I do, it's a great help.

17. If you think somebody is a knob on first impression and spend every interaction trying to like them but just can't, they probably just really are a knob so don't worry about it too much.

So to all you wonderful people who are interested in me enough to read my blog, thank you. And to any of my enemies who are nosy fucks and keep reading my blog because they're sadly obsessed with me, I hope for Christmas you get genital crabs. xoxoxo
(See pt 9.)

Sunday, 3 December 2017

Breakdown Over, Life Update Time

My breakdown appears to be over, I can't take full credit as much as the fact that my doctor doubled my medication dose but either way it's uphill from here.

Life update time:

After further inspections I can confirm with much confidence I do have two boobs and the uniboob fear is over. A relief for many of you I'm sure.

My dissertation is no further along than it was two weeks ago and I have nobody to blame but myself at this stage. 

On the work front I am not much closer to finding my dream job, but I am freelancing a few times a week at Matches for the forseeable future which will cover my rent easily and also buy me more time to find the right next move for me, so that's a definite positive.

The people have been super lovely and friendly which is nice because a lot of the time people don't take any time to speak to freelancers as they know generally you're in and out the door alongside a bunch of others. It's nice to get more experience in luxury fashion as well, thickening out the portfolio and all that jazz.

Plus, it's in the Shard which means I can feel fancy AF heading into work and can lunch at Borough Market.

I bought some repulsive pink shoes on Black Friday. I would like to blame the meds and say I wasn't in my right mind but if we're being honest with ourselves I think they're kind of fun.

I discovered the most golden voice in all the world on Youtube and can't stop listening to her original songs.

And other than that I've been my usual over-emotional self getting drunk at midday watching five hours straight of gossip girl and crying when Chuck tells Blair he loves her because romance is all I need in my life.

I need to get a fucking grip.


Thursday, 30 November 2017

The Secret to Job Happiness

(Warning: Multitude of throwback work photos about to hit you. Starting with one from Miss Selfridge.) 

Being funemployed isn't as chilled out as I thought it would be. I pictured myself drinking wine at lunch and wearing pearls for no apparent reason, but as it happens it's actually been more of a hectic dash around London most days for interviews on top of interviews. (Which to be honest is great, rather too many options than none!)

In this time I've been thinking a lot about what makes me happy at work. I'm not looking to take the first job offer thrown at me, I want to really consider what is going to make 2018 the best year for me. I've had a few jobs now and weighed up each one working out why some of them sucked balls and some were a lot of fun, and I have to admit I'm pretty sure I have worked out the ultimate secret to a happy job.

The manager. I've had some truly great ones (shout-out to Simon, Sarah and Theresa), and some that I am pretty sure crawled out from the gutters of hell itself. (Shoutout to you guys too! xx)

 Ex Manager, current inspiring friend.

I've only managed people myself a handful of times, but I learnt enough to know that a happy team is a productive one who will always go out of their way to pull their weight and pitch in when needed. Keeping moral high is really important as a manager, and taking care of your team should be your number one priority.

Lots of managers might be amazing at their jobs, super knowledgeable and really great and what they do, but that doesn't mean they're good at managing. If they always put people down, don't invest time into helping their team when needed, throw people under the bus, shift blame and responsibility and don't treat their team like people with actual feelings then your job is probably going to suck.

Jack Wills Christmas Party, what a mess.

My best managers (and favourite jobs) have been ones when the manager was kind, supportive, helped me grow and learn as much as I wanted and more, and inspired me in my role. Being a genuinely nice person just helps. Theresa used to pick me up a copy of Stylist Magazine on her way in because we both liked to flick through them and I couldn't always get it at my station. Sarah was permanently leaving cute and motivational messages at my desk for me to find and taking me out to coffee shops to write when we needed more inspiration. These are obviously examples of people being mega-babes and going above and beyond, but I would have probably cleaned shit off the floor if they had asked me to because I appreciated everything they did for me. 

I think taking time to get to know your team and their personalities and how they learn is key. So when I'm going to interviews now I'm basing a lot of my decisions on the person who interviewed me and if they are kind. It's not just me - I've looked at all my friends and whether they enjoy their jobs and how their relationship is with their manager and there is definitely a link.
Fresh out of uni at Blayze Group

I'm super excited for what lies ahead - when you're at work 5 days a week for 9 hours a day you want to be spending it with people who make you the best version of yourself and help you to love what you do. There's a lot of opportunity out there!

What's the best and worst manager you've ever had? 


Sunday, 26 November 2017

Finding the white rabbit

This week was a roller-coaster of emotions. One minute I was contemplating drinking bleach whilst lying in bed with matted hair and suffering the worst panic attacks, the next I was a boss ass bitch who was excited about the new possibilities ahead of me whilst dancing around my bedroom to Amy Winehouse in my nicest underwear.  I would alternate between these two states every other day, it was pretty exhausting. (Both for myself and my poor friends.) 

So this weekend me and Steven hung out a lot and did the happiest of things - everything Christmas.

All you scrooges who are moaning it's not December yet.. there's no rules for Christmas and if I want to drink mulled wine and listen to Christmas carols in November I will. And I did. And it was great.

Here we are on the train, not talking to each other at all and being on our phones as all 20-something's like to do for company.

We walked from London Bridge to Southbank (unplanned, but Steven has no idea where he is going ever and we ended up in the wrong place) but it was actually so nice to just be out and walking and not feeling so wound up.

South Bank is actually one of my favourite places in London, I love the second hand book market to kill time and if it's freezing, there's a huge Foyles which I like to browse about in too. So we were walking along and I came across this poet and the whole concept was just so lovely and romantic that I gave him some money for a poem. He asked what I wanted it to be about and I told him I wanted it to be about finding happiness - something that's felt like a struggle for the last year but I'm optimistic for the future. He wrote me the loveliest poem and it honestly made my day. 

Supporting independent writers, poets and artists is so important to me but I love to do it because you know you will always get something thoughtful and beautiful at the end of it.

After that we got the obligatory overpriced mulled wine from one of the stalls (seriously, a cup is a fiver and you can get an entire bottle from Sains for £3... something we did on the way home).

 (Handsome bugger ain't he.) 

Then we came home and carried on with our festive vibes and put the tree up, because why not.
All in all I had a really lovely day and it pulled me out of my downward spiral and I can't wait for tomorrow because I have lots of exciting things planned and two interviews to prep for. (No word from the dildo people yet but keep your fingers crossed for me.)


Wednesday, 22 November 2017

Today's thoughts & a social media update

A very wise woman once said the best thing about hitting an all-time low is you can only go up from there. (Okay, okay, the wise woman is the Mum from Bridesmaids.) But it's true. I hit a real shitty low this week, which is saying something because my entire life seems like one giant low. But today, I feel pretty good. 

As many of you know, I lost my job on Monday.
(Actual footage of me when they told me, below.)

 I really want to be able to write a post explaining everything but it's not the right time at all, hopefully eventually I'll be able to explain it to all of you. Dealing with anxiety and depression is hard enough in regular day-to-day life, so when you hit a stump in the road like this it can start such a  downward spiral, but I managed to pull myself out of it in the last minute because of a few amazing things.

1. Support. A wise man once said (fuck sake, okay, the wise man is P Diddy), that you should pay close attention to people who aren't clapping for you. I think it's applicable to times like this - pay close attention to who doesn't reach out. I've been flooded with messages, from everything to ex colleagues to old school friends to university friends to old managers. I have had love, and advice, and job opportunities pinging on my phone every hour for the last 3 days, and it feels literally amazing. A job is just a job, but I'm lucky to have the people in my life that I do.

2. I can take this experience and learn from it. I have a clearer idea now of where I want to be and the types of environment that work for me, and I can use this to help me find a great next role.

3. I've probably lost weight because I didn't eat for like 36 hours before today. So that's a bonus.

4. I've learnt so much about myself. I've learnt to trust myself - if I'm paranoid it's not because I'm crazy, I should trust my instincts because they were right. I've learnt that whatever happens you should always stick up for yourself and stick up for what is right. Don't sit back and watch injustices happen because you won't be able to sleep with yourself at night. I'd rather speak up and be shut down than say nothing, and because of this I have peace with myself. In the words of Elle Woods, Speak Up! 

5. It was a good thing, really. You can't keep dancing with the devil and ask why you're in hell.

Onto the social situation. I'm just trying to remove all toxicity from my life and focusing on positivity. I don't think Instagram was a healthy place to be - I was being followed by a bunch of people probably judging my life (or the life I made it look like I had), I had tiny girls in bikinis making me feel gross all the time and I had this weird pressure to post crap that was just a load of shit so that people would like it.

I started a new instagram, and I made it private. I'm gonna post whatever I want even if it looks shitty. It's basically a real reflection of what this blog is - totally real and not for anyone other than myself to look back on. I've made it private so I can just accept friends on there. 

For the first time in a while, I feel calm and relieved and (dare I say it), positive for the future.


Sunday, 19 November 2017

Sunday Summaries

I thought I'd share some weird moments of my week with you all. I know, I know, it's exactly what you've been hoping for. Well, here we go:

1.  This story about Charlotte Crosby getting a boob job because she has a 'uniboob deformity' which immediately resulted in me panicking that I secretly also have a uniboob deformity, spending most of my afternoon trying to check out my boobs under my top at work and looking up how much a boob job would set me back. (£5k min, for the record.)

(Big up my best friend in the world Amy, who all the way from Singapore was able to offer me words of wisdom. And yes, she has seen my boobs.)

2. I discovered a part of Youtube where there is a community of people who 'dumpster dive' and make haul videos on all the things they've found in bins. This makes my germ-phobia tingle in a bad way. But at the same time I started watching one in horror and three hours later I think I've watched all of them. *SPOILER: All they find is shit*

3. I've cried (several times) in front of (several different) people at work this week, which yes, is just as horrifying and shameful as you would imagine it to be. In fact, I've replayed it several times in my head every second of every day since and every time I am filled with more embarrassment. It's boring but it's part of my life.

4. I bought some velvet flared dungarees. They sound repugnant but make me feel like Christmas, and Steven doesn't actively hate them and try to put them in the bin when I'm not looking like most of my clothes, so that's a great sign.

5.  I watched all of Stanger Things, cried a little too much in the last episode and decided that yes, I do indeed fancy Steve, and yes, even with the mullet.


Saturday, 18 November 2017

Welcome to my breakdown

I read an article yesterday that said 26 is the age where people have quarter life crisis. Mine appears to have arrived early.

It is 5.20am. I have been wide awake since 4am. Every time I shut my eyes I start to panic, and my head starts spinning and I can't explain what I can hear but it's like my head is too loud for me to sleep. I've tried counting sheep but they're all dumb AF and keep knocking into the fence. (I can't even count sheep right.) To say I'm stressed right now would be an understatement. My stress level is somewhere between the mum in Parent Trap after finding out she has to meet Nick Parker and Winona Ryder in every scene of Stranger Things. So after an hour of internal screaming I decided to write, because it is the only thing that calms me down.

I hate running. I hate running for the bus. I hate running for sport. I hate treadmills. I literally hate everything about it. My best friend is a long-distance runner and tells me that there's a wall you hit and once you run past it you reach this euphoric state and can just keep going for ages. I've never reached that state, I just hit the wall and want to die and feel stressed about how much I am sweating. (A lot, FYI.)  

I'm more of an emotional runner. When I start to stress, or panic, or hit an all-time low I remove myself from situations. It could be putting headphones in, or it could be moving a hundred miles away to Scotland, or as of twenty minutes ago it could be deleting my social media in an attempt to shut everything out because it's 5 in the morning and everything is too loud for me to cope with.

So you guys will have to come here to see what I'm up to for a little while because right now I need to dull all the noise in my head and just focus on myself and what I want and where I want to be, because it isn't where I am right now. I'm hoping this is my wall, and that I'm going to come out on the other side in a euphoric state where I suddenly realise what the right thing for me to do is.

Stay tuned - I am approximately one week away from shaving my head and booking myself into rehab . Blogging Breakdowns since 2012. To be continued.


Monday, 13 November 2017

In Constant Pursuit of Happiness


This is not going to be a funny blog post. I had a great one lined up, don't get me wrong. It was the first of a fresh start for this blog, so it involved some banter and all those good things, but as it happens *someone* wouldn't let me publish it. (He's pissed off I said I'd put a dog before him but I really love dogs so IDGAF.) So it's 10pm and I'm back to square one, trying to think of something funny that happened today to share with you all.

Thing is, it's kind of difficult because today wasn't all that funny. Today I woke up feeling pretty shit actually. And then I spent an hour stood outside because all my trains were cancelled and then the Lord of Injustice teased me my bringing a train into my station (finally) and when we all got sat down and started to warm up they told us to get the fuck off it again because it was 'out of service'. Long story short, I was pretty late for work and my face was numb from the cold. *tiny violins play*

I was in a bad mood before all this though. Sometimes I wake up and just feel super empty and unfulfilled. I feel like I'm constantly chasing something more, but I don't know what it is. It makes me feel like sometimes people spend their lives chasing happiness but can't find it because they don't know what they're looking for.  And sometimes I think that whatever I do and wherever I go, I might feel just as empty, so  it's worth not gambling that there's better out there when everything is pretty fine as it is  if we're being honest. (Does this make sense? Am I rambling?)

(Great film.)

Someone the other day told me he was afraid of dying, and it confused me because it was such an unrelatable fear. For me, living is the most terrifying thing. Especially when you’re waking up every morning wondering, 'is this is all there is?'

Does anyone else ever feel like this or know where I’m coming from? Let me know. 

(Also sorry for lack of humour and being a miserable bitch but I'm a real person and sometimes I feel a lil crappy. If you want something funny you can look at this. Also this is my blog so I can do what I want I am queen here.)

Sunday, 12 November 2017

Blog Change: Quantity Over Quality.

The glasses are fake, the freckles are fake, the lips, surprisingly, are not.

Welcome to episode 507 of Callie's blogger breakdowns. Today we discuss the fact what I am about to tell you means you will probably all unfollow me in the next 24 hours.

But a mere 2.5 months ago I 'relaunched' my blog, whacked up some shiny new blog posts, and then proceeded to lose all inspiration, get bored and do nothing again. I have already discussed all the reasons I cba to even attempt to be a fashion blogger anymore, but it has left my blog in an odd predicament: what the fuck is the point of even having it because I don't use it for anything.

This morning I was lying in bed thinking about heartbreak and breakfasts (as most of my Sunday morning's start) and I decided to do something a little different with this platform.

When I was a kid I kept a diary. I started age 8 where I would call all my teachers 'bitches' and use smiley face stickers as indicators of my mood. As I grew older it would change into soppy and frankly repulsive photographs of my ex boyfriends and talking about how much I drank in a field at the weekend. (A lot, FYI.) I stopped keeping a diary when I went to university because frankly, I was too drunk to write 90% of the time and when I was sober enough to hold a pen I was using it to actually pass my degree. 

So, here's the plan. I guess this blog is going to become more of a diary for me. I'll be posting way more often and it is nearly all going to be shit that nobody cares about. 

What you aren't going to be getting:
- AD posts, unless someone has a product that will help me get my shit together mentally and physically. 
-  Decent photographs of me because I hate getting them taken by other people and I have better things to do at the weekends than play dress-up awkwardly in the streets. 
- Shop The Look posts, because frankly, who cares. I literally don't even dress well. Here's a timesaver, the only places I shop are Urban Outfitters, Zara and ASOS. My favourite brand is Free People. I buy my shoes from Topshop or Office. And there is literally nothing in-between, so if I'm wearing something you like, it's from one of those places, guaranteed. 

What you can expect:
- Long rants and ramblings of a delusional psychopath. Sounds like Mein Kampf, I know.
- Mirror selfies because they are time-saving and I look the same as I would in any other format of photograph.
- Snapchat selfies because I downloaded it this weekend and the filters are on fire tbh.
- Posts where I slag off everyone who wrongs me. This is not a burn book, but it's not the bible either.
- At least 2 posts a week saying I'm fat and need to lose weight followed by a photo diary of My Time At McDonalds.
- Probably two posts per week saying I loathe Steven and he is a festering pussicle followed by three labelling him The Best Guy Ever.
- A lot of hormonal imbalances in written format. (Note to self: Can PMS be detected via blog posts? Research.) 
- Probably a lot of horror stories from my youth and throwback Thursday's that we all wish were forgotten.

So, there you have it. If you came here for high-quality content, fashion or anything remotely classy,  this isn't the place to be. If you want to watch a person slowly break down in a similar fashion to 2008 Britney, then grab a cup of tea. (Rhyme much?) 


Saturday, 11 November 2017

5 Ways to deal with cringe situations

If you are anything like me and over analyze every interaction you have with another person for three months after it has happened, when something that actually could be sanely considered as awkward or embarrassing happens to you, you need to know how to react.

The types of situations I'm talking about could include, but are not limited to:
- When you upload a selfie and realise your vibrator is in the background
- When you wave back at someone who was, in fact, not waving at you
- When you go for the handshake and they go for the hug and you end up prodding them in the belly button
- When you get drunk and confess you're undying love to someone because you are 3 years away from being the real Bridget Jones and need to act fast
- Anything related to gas in a sexual environment
- When you're walking on a busy platform swinging your arms and accidentally pat a penis behind you
- When you trip over an expose your period pants to the world behind you
- When someone says Happy Birthday and you reply, 'you too'
- When you walk into a club and realise the black dress you had on is totally see-through in the spotlights

NB: these are purely editorial examples and bear no resemblance to my real life, nor anybody that I know. In fact, nothing  remotely embarassing has ever happened to me as I live in a glorious bubble of self-denial.

Possible ways to react:

1. Cry. (Not advised, just another thing to be embarassed about.)

2. Deny, deny, deny. It's not your vibrator, it's your dads. You weren't waving,  you have an arm twitch. You get the jist, just shift the blame everywhere else and tell yourself they believe you.

3. Laugh it off. (Preferable option.) You are so cool and carefree you don't care, you can laugh at yourself. Then you can go home and wish you were dead in private.

4. Do it again. Pat his penis again, on purpose, and look him dead in the eye. Flip your skirt up as you walk off so people can see your pants again if they didn't get a close enough look the first time. You don't care, because you are a sassy woman and also people will be too afraid to laugh at you if you behave this erratically. 

5. Blog about it. 


Friday, 20 October 2017

Florida Photo Diary

As most of you probably know from my instagram account, Steven and I have just returned from Florida where we went out to see his Mum.  We've been a few times before and whilst I wouldn't really recommend it (it's a very bizarre state), it was lovely to get some sunshine, have a break off work and relax. This is going to be a super image-heavy post, so bear with me. 

Best part of the trip: visiting the beautiful St.Augustine and staying in a beach cottage. Very instagrammable, but also you could lay on the beach all day long because a breeze meant it was never too hot. The sea was warm, the people were friendly and our cottage had a private strip of beach so we were totally on our own which was nice.

This was me on said private beach and the blue house I'm pointing at is where we stayed. There was a little hammock and outdoor sofa bit where we had breakfast which was delivered for us in a picnic basket. Yeah, I know, stop with the cute.  


 Let's all take a minute to appreciate Steven's abnormally long and lean legs. Giselle, is that you?

Cliche White Girl & Pool Float Gram.


I got a tattoo. Not on a whim, I booked a few months before. Stay tuned for the reveal (it's still a little scabby...) 

Me before said tattoo, snapped in all my glory by my instagram boyfriend. (Just kidding, he's a logistcs analyst, but you probably can't tell by how great this photo of me is.)

Being classy as usual.

 Wearing some overpriced pants/trousers from Free People drinking rose and being everything I hate.

And some scenic pictures of me in front of the prettiest trees I'd ever seen and in St Augustine town center.

7 things I would like you all to know about my trip:

1. I didn't brush my hair for pretty much the entire time and it basically became one large dreadlock
2. I got drunk and cried in front of Steven's mum but it's cool because wine was 9 bucks for a litre and a half
3. I didn't tan at all.
4. I ate a burger basically every day until I discovered Publix Subs - oh my God.
5. It isn't as easy to take a sexy photo on a blow-up pool unicorn as people make it look.
6. Cracker Barrel is both the best and worst place I have ever been in my entire life.
7. I spent a hundred quid in Michaels on llama-related stationery. I regret nothing.


Sunday, 1 October 2017

10 Reasons I Will Never Be A Fashion Blogger

I've had this blog for a long time, since it was recommended at University. I've never really found my niche with it, and every now and again I'll get a boost of motivation and go out and do a shoot and bank a few fashion posts and the blog lives on.

I've been reflecting a little on my blog and instagram (you know, the important things in life) and I'm not really being real with myself. I'm a writer, not a fashion blogger. I can write 2 pages about the new Gucci release but I won't be the girl toting it around taking photos of it and looking glam.
(Big up respect for any real life fashion bloggers, you are the unicorns of the world.)

But for me, these are the 10 reasons I will never be a real fashion blogger:

1. I will always have a hairband on my wrist and a bag big enough to carry around everything I *probably won't* need, and it's just not very chic.

2. Fashion influencers seem to look amazing every time they leave the house. Honestly, I just can't be assed putting that much effort into my appearance.

3.  They also seem to have permanently growing wardrobes, whereas I am constantly trying to throw stuff out from mine - counterproductive for a fashion blogger I would imagine.

4. If I have twenty quid I'd rather spend it on a large pizza and bottle of wine at the weekend than on a top  -  and you can't blog about the pizza. (Or can I.... ? Stay tuned!)

5. It's actually a lot of hassle finding somewhere that looks nice with good lighting to shoot - plus you have to ask your friends to take all your pics for you when really you all want to be doing something else.

6. *Waits for backlash* I'm not thin enough. Fashion bloggers are aspirational and that's why they gain following - because they look incredible or  have amazing wardrobes. Constantly comparing yourself to other people is pretty unhealthy, but you can't help it when you're scrolling through the feed all day.  Realistically, I'm not thin enough to look great whatever I wear, and I'm not willing to give up the aforementioned pizza and wine nights to get there.

Edit : I'm not saying I approve of this 'thinner looks better's mentality but it's rooted into society and makes us all feel a bit shit sometimes I think. 

7. Shooting honestly feels like a bit of a chore rather than fun for me - and weekends are for having a merry old time, not chores.

8. I don't actually dress very well. Pretty key if you're talking about personal style.

9. It's been like 7 years of selfies and I still haven't found 'my angle'. It's time to accept I probably don't have one. (I'm crying tears shaped like Kylie Jenner as I write this admission.)

10. It's just too much pressure trying to be something you're not.

So it's taken a while but at least I can cross one thing off my list of potential blog niches. In all honesty my blog may well go back to what it was in the early days - a place for me to write about all the things I hate. (Apparently myself, judging by this post.)

But seriously, it's important to do the things that make you happy and feel fulfilled, and I've realised that fussing over an instagram theme and fretting about getting a great shot rather than experiencing the moment without a phone isn't making me happy. It's not an accurate representation of who I am.

An accurate representation of who I am would be this gif:

And this gif is probably an accurate representation of what is to come for my blog, so prepare your loins and girdle up, lads.

Let me know your thoughts on fashion blogging,my fashion posts, and anything else!

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