Saturday, 11 November 2017

5 Ways to deal with cringe situations


If you are anything like me and over analyze every interaction you have with another person for three months after it has happened, when something that actually could be sanely considered as awkward or embarrassing happens to you, you need to know how to react.

The types of situations I'm talking about could include, but are not limited to:
- When you upload a selfie and realise your vibrator is in the background
- When you wave back at someone who was, in fact, not waving at you
- When you go for the handshake and they go for the hug and you end up prodding them in the belly button
- When you get drunk and confess you're undying love to someone because you are 3 years away from being the real Bridget Jones and need to act fast
- Anything related to gas in a sexual environment
- When you're walking on a busy platform swinging your arms and accidentally pat a penis behind you
- When you trip over an expose your period pants to the world behind you
- When someone says Happy Birthday and you reply, 'you too'
- When you walk into a club and realise the black dress you had on is totally see-through in the spotlights

NB: these are purely editorial examples and bear no resemblance to my real life, nor anybody that I know. In fact, nothing  remotely embarassing has ever happened to me as I live in a glorious bubble of self-denial.


Possible ways to react:

1. Cry. (Not advised, just another thing to be embarassed about.)

2. Deny, deny, deny. It's not your vibrator, it's your dads. You weren't waving,  you have an arm twitch. You get the jist, just shift the blame everywhere else and tell yourself they believe you.

3. Laugh it off. (Preferable option.) You are so cool and carefree you don't care, you can laugh at yourself. Then you can go home and wish you were dead in private.

4. Do it again. Pat his penis again, on purpose, and look him dead in the eye. Flip your skirt up as you walk off so people can see your pants again if they didn't get a close enough look the first time. You don't care, because you are a sassy woman and also people will be too afraid to laugh at you if you behave this erratically. 

5. Blog about it. 

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