Wednesday, 22 November 2017

Today's thoughts & a social media update

A very wise woman once said the best thing about hitting an all-time low is you can only go up from there. (Okay, okay, the wise woman is the Mum from Bridesmaids.) But it's true. I hit a real shitty low this week, which is saying something because my entire life seems like one giant low. But today, I feel pretty good. 

As many of you know, I lost my job on Monday.
(Actual footage of me when they told me, below.)

 I really want to be able to write a post explaining everything but it's not the right time at all, hopefully eventually I'll be able to explain it to all of you. Dealing with anxiety and depression is hard enough in regular day-to-day life, so when you hit a stump in the road like this it can start such a  downward spiral, but I managed to pull myself out of it in the last minute because of a few amazing things.

1. Support. A wise man once said (fuck sake, okay, the wise man is P Diddy), that you should pay close attention to people who aren't clapping for you. I think it's applicable to times like this - pay close attention to who doesn't reach out. I've been flooded with messages, from everything to ex colleagues to old school friends to university friends to old managers. I have had love, and advice, and job opportunities pinging on my phone every hour for the last 3 days, and it feels literally amazing. A job is just a job, but I'm lucky to have the people in my life that I do.

2. I can take this experience and learn from it. I have a clearer idea now of where I want to be and the types of environment that work for me, and I can use this to help me find a great next role.

3. I've probably lost weight because I didn't eat for like 36 hours before today. So that's a bonus.

4. I've learnt so much about myself. I've learnt to trust myself - if I'm paranoid it's not because I'm crazy, I should trust my instincts because they were right. I've learnt that whatever happens you should always stick up for yourself and stick up for what is right. Don't sit back and watch injustices happen because you won't be able to sleep with yourself at night. I'd rather speak up and be shut down than say nothing, and because of this I have peace with myself. In the words of Elle Woods, Speak Up! 

5. It was a good thing, really. You can't keep dancing with the devil and ask why you're in hell.

Onto the social situation. I'm just trying to remove all toxicity from my life and focusing on positivity. I don't think Instagram was a healthy place to be - I was being followed by a bunch of people probably judging my life (or the life I made it look like I had), I had tiny girls in bikinis making me feel gross all the time and I had this weird pressure to post crap that was just a load of shit so that people would like it.

I started a new instagram, and I made it private. I'm gonna post whatever I want even if it looks shitty. It's basically a real reflection of what this blog is - totally real and not for anyone other than myself to look back on. I've made it private so I can just accept friends on there. 

For the first time in a while, I feel calm and relieved and (dare I say it), positive for the future.


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