Thursday, 21 December 2017

17 Things I Learnt in 2017

Last year I made a post on the 16 things I learnt in 2016, so it was only appropriate to tackle the end of this year with a new list.

1. Rabbits growl. It's a territorial thing and we made up afterwards but for a while stuff with Pixie and I was a little rocky.

2. Blondes do not necessarily have more fun.

3. Hoes ain't loyal.

4. 'Vetements is like kale - everyone pretends to like it because it's cool but nobody really does.' - Thanks to my friend O for this - truer words were never spoken.

5.  Having read Diary of a Sociopath I have learnt that sociopaths are unable to feel depressed or anxious due to a lack of fear and empathy. The downside is the inability to control impulses and a manipulative mind. I have both of those anyway without the pros so kind of wish I was a sociopath.

6. My blog post from last year on the inability to be friends with boys still very much stands. They are unsustainable relationships and you will get better energy from girl power. (Shoutout to those female homies who always leave me support on the interwebs, Saskia, Kaysha, am looking at you.)

7. It's okay to have a therapist. Brits are a bit closed about discussing this sort of thing but in this day and age everyone is depressed and we should just talk about our feelings and get on with it. Plus you can put on oversize sunglasses, flick your hair and say 'I need to call my therapist' dramatically and feel like a Hollywood actress.

8. People actually read my blog! I've never had so many wonderful messages as I have the last few months and it's so lovely to know what I say resonates with others. I love you all!

9. There is a proposed disorder that is not currently professionally recognized in the UK called PTED. (Post traumatic embitterment disorder.) Symptoms include feeling angry, distressed, stressed and helpless all at once to the point functioning becomes difficult as a result of some type of trauma. They become embittered and can't let certain events go. They become pessimistic, aggressive and feel victimized. 90% sure I have this  and who are to blame, but at least I can acknowledge I'm bitter. Nothing wrong with mentally plotting my enemies demise over a bottle of vino, right?

10. My best friend Amy is the bravest and most inspirational person I have ever met and even though she's across the world being a badass fucking lawyer doing a LDR with her boyfriend she still finds the time to routinely check up on me and offer words of wisdom.

11.  Sometimes dresses fit better if you don't wear a bra, so always try both.

12. Snapchat filters are great and why have I been missing out on this app for the last year?!

13. Life isn't fair but when you have a handsome boyfriend to come home to and complain about it with it could be worse.

14. Eric the Elephants (Sainsbury's rip off Percy Pigs) are a wonderful alternative and a highly delicious treat.

15. That cult book, The Secret, that everyone raves about changing their lives and opening their eyes to mindfulness is the biggest load of crap I have ever bought in my life. It is like reading a brainwashing piece of nonsense. One part literally said that you can eat whatever you want and if you don't believe it will make you fat, you won't gain weight. Science disagrees. Don't buy this book.

16. Sleep apps are amazing! You can get ones that tell relaxing stories and calm you down until you fall asleep using weird vocal techniques and music. If you lie in bed thinking about the mistakes you made between 1998 and 2003 on repeat like I do, it's a great help.

17. If you think somebody is a knob on first impression and spend every interaction trying to like them but just can't, they probably just really are a knob so don't worry about it too much.

So to all you wonderful people who are interested in me enough to read my blog, thank you. And to any of my enemies who are nosy fucks and keep reading my blog because they're sadly obsessed with me, I hope for Christmas you get genital crabs. xoxoxo
(See pt 9.)

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